Sometimes there are more important things in life to talk about.
My name is Christopher Walder. I’m 23 years old and currently reside in the great city of Toronto.
I started this blog back in September of last year as a way to improve my writing and get to myself more enthralled in everything sports. Ever since I was a little kid, all I’ve ever dreamt of doing is traveling the world and talking about sports. I feel sports defines my life. I love watching, talking and writing about sports. It’s who I am. Chris Walder is the sports guy. I wanted this blog to be a stepping stone to bigger and better things. I would pray that one day the right person would read it and I would somehow find my way into a sports journalism setting. That’s all I’ve ever wanted to happen. I just wanted an opportunity. That is how “Walders World of Sports” came to be.
But there is more to me than just this blog. There is a man behind the keyboard. A man who probably not a lot of you really know.
For the last 6 months of my life, I have been going through some of the worst emotional times I’ve ever had to endure. I’ve gone through phases of extreme anxiety and depression.
Not a lot has been going right in my life.
Ever since I left College back in August, my world has been at a standstill. I’ve been without a job, money, major prospects and a sense of confidence and fulfillment. I hurt the one person in my life who ever gave a damn about whether or not I was happy.
I don’t know why I’ve been so upset about things. I’m no different from anyone else who has major problems in their life. I guess I’m not used to feeling this way.
I’m not a very open person with my feelings. I like to keep how I’m feeling bottled up. I always use to resent people who would use open forums to express their emotions. Now that I’m sitting on the other side of that fence, I can safely say that it’s not a horrible thing to do. Sometimes it’s good to just write about what’s on your mind and what’s going on in your life.
It can be very freeing.
I am not a good person. I am not a perfect person. There are many faults in my character that will hold me back from ever truly being happy in my lifetime. I make stupid decisions and pay for them all the time. I always used to believe that there was a good guy somewhere in me, but now I know that is not the case.
I am currently going through the worst period of time in my entire life and I have no one to blame but myself. I am at the lowest of the low. I have hit rock bottom.
People always tell me that things will get better and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I always try to remain optimistic, but sometimes I find it difficult. When everything in your life is in shambles, it’s sometimes hard to remain happy.
I am at that point.
Do I need help? Absolutely. There is nothing wrong with waving the white flag and declaring to the world that you need some assistance. That is what I am doing right now. I am looking into seeing someone to get the help that I need. I have no shame in writing that. Sometimes you have to do the hard things to get yourself back on track.
I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. This blog was not written for the purpose of having everyone who reads it shed a tear for me. I deserve everything that happens/has happened to me. I’ve screwed up.
I need to seriously start fixing my life. I can’t remain in the state that I am currently in. I can’t keep hurting the people who I love. I want people to be proud of me. I want to be someone in this world.
To all of those who are reading this and have some sort of relationship with me, I don’t mean to scare you. I may not be the guy that you have all come to know over the years. Everyone has their dark side. Not everyone knows who everyone truly is sometimes.
But this is me. This is Christopher Joseph Walder.
This is the real Christopher Joseph Walder.